Through the Door: A Date with Myself

My life was in motion interspersed by different doors, some wooden, a few steel and glass and one purely invisible, the existence of which I was blissfully unaware of. I lived closeted between them, breezing out every morning through the doors in the bedroom, bath, living room, entrance, lift, car, office and breezing back in the evening, some times taking a detour through a restaurant door, theatre door or occasionally through a museum door. It was just another morning and I was busy making a mental note of things to accomplish pretty much oblivious of the beautiful nature around. Soon, my gaze fell on the sun rays peering through the half open entrance door, which was a welcome distraction from the endless list of tasks and actions. “How Beautiful”, I exclaimed under my breath, and started walking towards the door. I pushed the door further to take a warm bath in the morning rays when I saw a figure that appeared so much like me. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, ready to dismiss it as a morning mirage, but what followed there on, was a date with myself through the door !!!

The shadowy figure that emerged from sunlight was my twin self with clear shining eyes, an awfully calm and glowing face devoid of frowns and a relaxed demeanor. I felt old and desolate in front of her, all those branded clothes, vitamins, minerals and anti ageing creams seem to have accomplished very little. I stretched out my hand and started walking towards her but the distance seemed to ever increase. Finally, my twin self spoke, reminding me that we were inseparable at birth and through childhood, slowly moving away from each other over time succumbing under the pressures of adulthood. All these years, while my twin had been patiently waiting for me to stop, look , feel her presence and give her the gentle embrace, I was too busy acquiring material success to even notice.

Unknown to me, I had slowly erected an invisible door between us, nailing it shut with ego, impatience, anger, irritation, self pity, hypersensitivity, fear, guilt, hurt and pursuit of elusive perfection to name a few. I was shaken out of my reverie by the neighbor’s alarm clock and for a change I was not irritated by the piercing sound. It was the beginning of living between the doors, of conscious breathing with Yoga, keen observation, meditating, letting go, forgiving, practicing self belief and faith which helped me remove the umpteen nails from the invisible door. Some nails required little effort, while removing others became a long drawn affair as the nails were rusted stuck in the deep. With the nails for support slowly removed, the door itself came apart allowing me to get one with my twin. It’s been a while and we are largely inseparable , barring a few incidents which crop up now and then, mildly threatening to tear us apart. However, I consciously endeavor to thwart all such attempts by being mindfully present. I have not only managed to unite with my twin but have also visibly and invisibly gained a lot, the body feels lighter, the heart wider, the skin stretched by a few mm, the strands of gray showing sparks of black, time and patience seem to be heading towards ad infinitum and last but not the least, the aches and pains have gone off on an indefinite vacation.

You too have a twin self lurking around,who you may not have met for some time. It may be worthwhile to stretch out your hand through the door and hug them tight for the rest of your life.